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– 11 days ago

Stuff They Don’t Tell You About Being A Dad


I am constantly discovering all the things nobody tells you about being a parent – “life’s lessons”, as it were, about child ownership.

For instance, kid’s LOVE band-aids. ¬†The only thing better you can put on an apendage is a temporary tattoo. ¬†Band-aids are simply the coolest. ¬†They are so cool, in fact, that you don’t actually need to be broken to use them. ¬†If you bump your knee on a table, or the ground, that is good enough. You can go find your first aid kit and patch yourself right up – with not one, but at least three or four of the magic strips. ¬†So why, you ask, does this really matter? ¬†Why do parents need to know that kids love band-aids?

This becomes critically important when you are slicing into 9 pounds of freshly cured bacon with an incredibly sharp knife and go right through one of your fingers.  Invariably, you will rush to the bathroom (or, as was the case today, ask your wife to do so while you staunch the flow of blood).  Upon close inspection, however  you will discover only two band-aids in the house, and neither is up to the task of covering your gushing wound.

No band-aids for you! ¬†You’re a parent! ¬†Band-aids are for kids. ¬†What you get is something cobbled together from gauze and first aid tape that that looks like this:

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Written by Michael Turk