Archive for the 'Crime' category

O.J and Oh, Britney. The Week In Celebrity Shame

Sep 17 2007 Published by under Cable, Celebrities, Craziness, Crime, Miscellany, Music, Pop Culture, Pop Music, Programming, Rap/Hip-Hop Music, Self-Promotion, Sex, Society, Stuff That Sucks, Television

It’s been a bad week to be sick. With so much celebrity embarrassment on parade, not having the energy to trash them is really troubling.

Let’s set the wayback machine for the VMAs last week. This show had it all – award winners trashing the network that hosts the awards, has-been rockers duking it out over whored out former TV stars, single moms trying to whore themselves out (but nobody was buying), and militant rappers getting peeved that the awards weren’t rigged for them to win. Your entertainment dollar was simply not going to go farther than the 2007 VMAs

Britney was supposed to warm up the audience, but left everyone feeling cold. Blame it on the hair, the lip-synching, the magic act that wasn’t, the drinking, the allergic reaction to eye drops (what?), or any of another 100 oft-repeated excuses for the train wreck we witnessed, the sad reality is we want to see a nubile 20 year-old in skin tight leather dancing like a tramp or tongue kissing Madonna (actually, skip that last part). The fact is, Brit is now a single mom who, with every public appearance, reminds us of the line from Sweet Home Alabama.

Look at you! You have a baby! In a bar!

Here’s some advice Brit. Put on some clothes, write/sing a grown-up song, and stop trying to convince us that you’re the hot little vixen of Baby One More Time. That ship has sailed. You were used up by a douchebag, and the only guy that still wants you is this loser.

Next up… Kid Rock and Tommy Lee. Even with Britney and Kanye melting down at the VMAs, this is probably the most pathetic story of the night. These two guys get into a brawl over a woman who, by her own admission, paid off a poker debt with sex. Yup. That girl is a class act that is worth fighting for. Go get her, guys.

Speaking of Kanye, I don’t think I could sum this one up any better than Joel McHale (host of The Soup). After recapping Kanye’s choice words about his perceived snub at the hands of MTV, McHale said, “Geez. 50 Cent didn’t whine that much when he got shot.” True dat!

In our last glimpse backward at the VMAs, perhaps the one shining moment in the telecast came when Justin Timberlake (surrounded by the vapid cast of The Hills) excoriated MTV for filling its programming with non-stop reality TV and begged them to actually play music occasionally. It seems Timberlake may be one of the few people who owes his soul to MTV, and at the same time feels bad because he’s old enough to remember that MTV used to stand for Music Television.

Finally, back in the present, let’s dip into the overflowing cup of comedy gold that is O.J. Simpson. The same week that his book (If I Did It) comes out, and the world may read his claim that he’s not a criminal (at least not a murderous one), he gets arrested for storming into a sports memorabilia show with armed accomplices and trying to steal pieces of his life. It’s not clear whether he actually owns any of what he tried to steal. And it’s not clear if he was armed, but a tape of the incident clearly demonstrates his anger and rage as he barks out instructions that no one is to be allowed to leave.

Wow, O.J., armed robbery and taking hostages. That’s a hell of a good way to prove you’re not a killer. Maybe next time you could sacrifice a small puppy on national TV and tell people your killing is limited only to the animal kingdom. By the way, aren’t you supposed to be out there trying to catch the real killer?

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The Greatest Newspaper Headline Of All Time

Jul 09 2007 Published by under Crime, Miscellany, News Media, Pop Culture

Chewbacca Allegedly Sexually Assaults Marilyn Monroe, Flees

Of course, the story isn’t quite as good, but how could it be?

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Napoleon Dynamite Gone Wild

Apr 18 2007 Published by under Craziness, Crime, Movies

The incident on Monday at Virginia Tech was horrible. The capacity for the human animal to commit savagery on its fellow man is astounding. I feel terrible for the families and friends of those affected by what happened.

However, when I watched Cho Seung-Hui’s video tonight, I broke up laughing. I couldn’t help but think of how much this guy reminded me of a really pissed off Napoleon Dynamite. I kept waiting for him to say Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner. Tina, Eat. Eat the food. Eat the food!

Does that make me a bad person?

Update: Had to drop the picture of Cho from this post, I, and apparently others were getting tired of looking at it…

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Being Stupid Should Hurt

Mar 14 2007 Published by under Craziness, Crime, Legislation, Miscellany

A friend once asked me to make her a deal. If I ever ran for Congress, and actually got elected, she wanted me to push a bill that would require an additive to the water supply. She felt that the government should put a drug into the water that would cause migraines if you had stupid thoughts.

She figured they could research the drug by hooking people up to an EEG and presenting them with real-life scenarios on a variety of topics. Each would have a dozen or so different answers, but one would stand out as being particularly dumb. If they picked the really dumb answer, the scanner should register the part of the brain that processes stupidity, and you could create a drug to target it.

That may be what this woman needs.

At exactly 5:45:34 on April 18, 2004 a computer taken from the office of the attorney of Melanie McGuire, did a search on the words “How To Commit Murder.”

That same day searches on Google and MSN search engines, were conducted on such topics as `instant poisons,` `undetectable poisons,’ ‘fatal digoxin doses,’ and gun laws in New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

Ten days later, according to allegations by the state of New Jersey, McGuire murdered her husband, William T. McGuire, at their Woodbridge apartment, using a gun obtained in Pennsylvania, one day after obtaining a prescription for a sedative known as the “date rape” drug.

Kathy may have been right. If all the really stupid people were doubled over with headaches all the time, at least they’d be easy to spot.

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The New Mexico Situation

Mar 13 2007 Published by under Craziness, Crime, Government, Operatives, Politics, Republicans, The President

I’ve resisted the temptation to write on the ongoing problem with New Mexico’s former US Attorney David Iglesias, his firing, subsequent congressional testimony, and fallout from the comments of people in NM who should know better.

I was raised in New Mexico and lived there until I was 29. I served as the Communications Director, Deputy Director and Executive Director of the New Mexico GOP at various times between 1995 and 2003. I’ve worked closely with just about everyone involved in this case with the exception of the current Chairman, and I like all of them. However, the stunning lack of judgment that is on display has made me speak out.

Unlike a lot of bloggers, I’m squarely on the side of David Iglesias. He’s a good guy. He was a lazy candidate, but he’s a decent person.

The public relations disaster in which the Administration finds itself is entirely of its own making. The Justice Department screwed this up terribly. The minute that they alleged the firings (universally) were due to performance problems, they should have seen this going down in exactly this way.

If you are asked to leave a company, for whatever reason, and you come to a deal with your former employer to make the transition smooth, you expect them to honor that. The last thing you would expect to see is the guys you just left trashing you in the media, and making you sound incompetent.

According to both his internal performance reviews and the White House’s own list of poor performing USAs, Iglesias was doing a good job. His firing, based on news reports, seems to be entirely a function of his refusal to rush an investigation and issue indictments simply so his party would benefit at the polls.

Sampson sent an e-mail to Miers in March 2005 that ranked all 93 U.S. attorneys. Strong performers “exhibited loyalty” to the administration; low performers were “weak U.S. attorneys who have been ineffectual managers and prosecutors, chafed against Administration initiatives, etc.” A third group merited no opinion.

At least a dozen prosecutors were on a “target list” to be fired at one time or another, the e-mails show.

Only three of those eventually fired were given low rankings… Two were given strong evaluations: [including] David C. Iglesias in Albuquerque, who has alleged political interference from GOP lawmakers…

In September, Sampson produced another list of firing candidates…

Iglesias, the New Mexico prosecutor, was not on that list. Justice officials said Sampson added him in October… [emphasis mine]

In other words, Iglesias was doing a good job, had been loyal to the Administration, was pushing the Bush agenda. All that good came to an end when he refused to issue bogus indictments.

Now I don’t believe for a minute that Domenici intended to pressure Iglesias. His style is sometimes rough, but I have always known him to be a good guy. I have been on the receiving end of a couple of calls from him and I know the feeling Iglesias describes as a pit in the stomach. It’s more a reaction to his position than it is to him. I think he may sometimes lose sight of the position he holds in the eyes of others.

That said, I believe the blame for this debacle rests solely on the shoulders of the Justice Department. They screwed this up, and screwed it up badly. There were about a dozen ways they could have handled this better. None of them involved a public proclamation challenging the competence of people who otherwise had been party loyalists for years.

I am pleased to see Sampson resign, but I do not believe his head should be the last to roll.

I don’t want a US Attorney who will misuse the power of his office just to ensure Republican electoral victory. If we truly believe, as Ken Mehlman, Newt Gingrich, and Karl Rove have all said, that our party is built on the strength of our ideas, then why do we need to fast track indictments against Democrats to win? And why do we feel the need to punish and slander those who follow the law?

Anyone in the Department of Justice or the White House who has willingly misused the power of law to pursue political goals should be run out as well. When they’re fired, by the American people, they’ll truly know what it means to lose your job for poor performance.

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