Archive for the 'Disease' category

Other #SwineFluSymptoms To Watch Out For

Oct 23 2009 Published by under Disease, Humor, Pop Culture, Society

I’ve had some version of what my dad used to call “The Dread Mahocus” for several days know. Given the mass hysteria over H1N1 Swine Flu, I figured I’d take a look at the symptoms just to see what they are. Here’s what the CDC says:

You may have the flu if you have some or all of these symptoms:

  • fever *
  • cough
  • sore throat
  • runny or stuffy nose
  • body aches
  • headache
  • chills
  • fatigue
  • sometimes diarrhea and vomiting

*It’s important to note that not everyone with flu will have a fever.

Very helpful. If you sometimes get fever, but not always, and you sometimes get diarrhea and vomiting, but not always, that leaves:

  • cough
  • sore throat
  • runny or stuffy nose
  • body aches
  • headache
  • chills
  • fatigue

In other words, the Swine Flu could look just like any other non-specific illness. That’s not terribly helpful at all. Maybe the CDC should provide more of a narrative description:

On Day One, you will notice giant red spots on your forehead. Those will grow into huge sweaty red welts. The coughing will be uncontrollable, and you’ll wish you were dead. Then the real fun will start….

At least then I’d know what to look out for. Instead, I have non-specific symptoms and no real way of knowing whether I have the Swine Flu without a tedious trip to the doctor.

So I did a little digging and found some more useful information. I dug through blog post after blog post and compiled these actual, specific symptoms from first hand accounts. If you have any of these, seek medical attention immediately

Swine Flu Symptoms

  • An urge to watch Babe and Charlotte’s Web over and over again.
  • An overwhelming sense of cannibalism from eating bacon.
  • Smelling like Des Moines, IA.
  • Random snort and oinking sounds (separate and distinct from your normal Tourette’s).
  • Developing a random stutter.
  • Falling in love with frogs (or general inter-species romance).
  • A tendency toward Stalinism.

So there you have it. An actual, helpful list of warning signs. Now you can consider yourself prepared.

P.S. (For those who missed them, the stutter joke is a reference to Porky Pig and the Stalinism crack is a reference to Animal Farm.)

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What The Hell Is A Mouth Ulcer?

Apr 07 2008 Published by under Craziness, Disease, Miscellany, Stuff That Sucks, Yuck!!!

Saturday morning I woke up with a terrible sore throat, and was convinced I had strep. Having had strep many times before, I was almost certain that was the case.

After a quick trip to the urgent care facility near my house, and a brief consultation with a doctor I could barely understand, I picked up on three things – not strep, ulcers, and something having to do with cold sores. When I got home, I Googled those three terms and discovered a wealth of information about the fascinating world of mouth ulcers.

Now most people are aware of canker sores and cold sores. They’re the nasty little sores that develop on the mouth and gums and on the lips respectively. Canker sores are generally tiny little things, but hurt much more than their size would suggest.

Mouth ulcers are like a canker sore’s really big, mean older cousin with a glandular problem and a short temper. They are likely to attack the throat or tongue as well as the gums. Mine is about the size of a dime and right next to my tonsils. It makes me pray for death every time I swallow. In short, they’re a lot of fun.

I’m sharing this for one reason and one reason only. I had no idea such things existed. I’ve never experienced the joy of a mouth ulcer and hope to God I never do again. They suck. However, I thought I’d throw this out there so anyone who Googles strep, ulcer, and cold sore will know that someone else feels (or felt) their pain.

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Worst Places To Stash Your Stuff. Your Rectum Is #1

Mar 28 2008 Published by under Craziness, Disease, Food, Miscellany, Society, Stuff That Sucks, The Internet, Yuck!!!

Ok, I was kidding about the rectum part. If you’ve seen Pulp Fiction, you know the story of the watch Christopher Walken smuggled in his anus. Well, not counting Walken’s ass vault, MSN has a list of 16 places where you should not put your stuff. Some of these actually confirm long running beliefs I have had.

For instance, I can fall asleep very easily (almost instantly). Mrs. Quip has trouble falling asleep. The difference? Apparently it’s her tendency to completely cover herself with blankets. I always keep my legs outside.

Being overheated can keep you from nodding off, researchers say: A natural nighttime drop in your core temperature triggers your body to get drowsy. To ease your way to sleep, help your body radiate heat from your hands and feet… Don socks to dilate the blood vessels in the extremities ‚Äî then take the socks off and let a foot stick out from under the blankets.

The article is actually full of a lot of good information. Want to avoid airsickness? Avoid the tail section and sit near the wing. Want to avoid germs in public bathrooms? Stay away from the center stall. Where’s the worst place to store medicine? The medicine cabinet where high, steamy temperatures can exceed your medication’s safe storage temp.

My personal favorite, though was this little statistic.

[S]wabs showed up to 10,000 bacteria per square inch on purse bottoms ‚Äî and a third of the bags tested positive for fecal bacteria! A woman’s carryall gets parked in some nasty spots: on the floor of the bus, beneath the restaurant table ‚Äî even on the floor of a public bathroom. Put your bag in a drawer or on a chair, Gerba says ‚Äî anywhere except where food is prepared or eaten. (emphasis mine)

That’s right. Your wife’s or girlfriend’s purse is likely trekking the poo right into your house and kitchen – and they say men are the unclean gender.

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In Which Our Hero Yacks Up A Lung…

Sep 17 2007 Published by under Disease, Miscellany

I have spent most of the last two weeks in a steady state of coughing, hacking, wheezing, sneezing, and sniffling with a runny nose, watery eyes, sore throat, fever, chills, and general infirmity. I’d get better for a day or two, and then WHAMMO! I’m back underneath it.

Two things became crystal clear to me as a result. First, I have spent more time sick since the birth of my two year old than I had in almost my entire life up to that point. Second, I honestly believe that my son is a magnet for the only the most debilitating diseases. He doesn’t bring home the normal, every day run of the mill cold bug. There’s no 24 hours of sneezing and that’s it. He brings home the granddaddy germs. He tracks in the worst of the viral strains. He must carefully identify and capture only the nastiest of bacteria to pass on. When he brings the evil, he really means it.

At any rate, I’m back among the living. I am heavily medicated on antibiotics and Codeine laced cough syrups.

I’ll jot some thoughts later on some of the goodies I’ve missed while out of it. I can’t possibly let Britney’s VMA performance go without a comment and I’ve been laughing my ass off all morning at the sorry state of one O.J. Simpson. But I’ll get to that. In the meantime, the Robitussin’s on me.

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Stomach Flu

May 23 2007 Published by under Disease, Miscellany

For the three loyal readers (a quick shout-out to my mom, dad, and Mrs. Quip) eagerly awaiting the next installment of my ramblings, I’m sorry to disappoint. Saturday afternoon we had a lovely birthday party for Little Quip, Sunday afternoon the grandparents left town, and Sunday evening Little Quip started throwing up things we don’t remember feeding him. In the almost 72 hours since, a nasty stomach virus sent Mrs. Quip to the hospital to get rehydrated, and has, as of the morning, brought the mighty Turk to his knees (in more ways than one).

As soon as the family and I recover, I’ll get back to writing. Hopefully this will be in time for my thoughts on tonight’s season finale of Lost to still be relevant.

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