Archive for the 'Movies' category

DVD Review – The Sentinel

Sep 25 2006 Published by under Action Movies, Movie Reviews, Movies

I’ll be honest, I had less than no interest in seeing The Sentinel when it hit theaters. I actively tried to avoid it. That was still my plan until a guy on a plane from DC to Denver told me how good it was. I broke down and added it to my queue on NetFlix.

It’s not terrible, but it’s certainly not great. Keifer Sutherland as Jack Bauer David Breckinridge, turned in the same performance he’s given for the last three seasons of 24. Michael Douglas gave the same performance he gives in every single movie he has ever been in. Kim Baisinger proved, yet again, how totally one dimensional she is. Last but not least, Eva Longoria is completely useless. If standing around looking pretty was an Olympic sport, she might be a medalist; but I don’t see any Oscars in her future.

Despite the flattest cast in a movie that I have seen in a long time, the movie was surprisingly decent. It’s not going to win any Oscars either, but it’s probably an ok way to kill two hours without feeling cheated.

The story is rather thin and revolves around a plot to assassinate the President that involves a Secret Service agent. Michael Douglas is boning the first lady, and due to an inadvertent stop in the wrong coffee shop on the wrong day ends up as the prime suspect.

The premise was solid, but I would have liked a more suspenseful movie. You knew who the killers were, you knew that Michael Douglas was hiding the affair, and you knew the back-story on the tension between Douglas and Keifer in the first five minutes of the film. I would have preferred a script that let those details out gradually.

Tell me Douglas is having an affair, but make me think it’s with Sutherland’s wife before you reveal he’s actually banging the President’s wife. Better yet, make the affair the reason for the assassination attempt, but make the bad guy the First Lady. She could want to get away from the President, but not want a messy divorce, so she gets one agent to do the dirty work while she’s servicing Douglas. As it is, the plot involves some odd reference to the former KGB and a double agent that really falls flat 15 years after the fall of the Berlin Wall.

In the unlikely event the guy from Greeley stumbles upon my blog, I’ll say thanks for the tip. The movie did entertain me for a while, but that was largely due to my time spent thinking of ways it could have been better.

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X-Men: The Last Highlander

Sep 21 2006 Published by under Action Movies, Awful Movies, Craziness, Movie Marketing, Movies

Forgive me for writing this so late… Since Little Quip came into the world, I have only seen a couple of movies in the theater. I’m not the kind of guy that can easily ignore the disgruntled groans of my fellow movie-goers as my child cries or complains and I blissfully ignore him in favor of the big screen action. One of these days he may get to experience a first-run film, but I will settle for DVDs until that day. I also get to catch the occasional flick on a plane flight, which brings me to my current post.

While flying to Wyoming the other day, I was able to catch X-Men: The Last Stand. It was a decent flick, but may be one of the more inappropriately titled movies ever. Here are my two issues…

First, how can you get stabbed with several darts full of the “No Longer A Mutant” serum, and still have powers? Second, how can you have a movie subtitled “The Last Stand”, imply at the end that all is well and everyone is going to get along, and then blatantly leave the door open for a sequel? The least they could have done is put a question mark on the movie posters.

I realize this is all just formulaic Hollywood nonsense. They have to leave room in every action flick for a sequel just in case it’s a hit. If you tidy things up nicely at the end, and the movie kicks ass, it’s hard to make a sequel that isn’t completely laughable in its attempt to justify itself.

My favorite example of this concept going terribly wrong is Highlander, Highlander II: The Quickening, and Highlander III: The Final Dimension. They spent five years trying to figure out how to make “There can be only one” mean “There can be only one until more aliens come to earth and then there can be more than one until there is only one again” and finally ended up with “There never really was only one because there was this one guy who got locked in a cave so at best there were two and we’re not even going to try to address the whole alien angle in this movie because even we realize how stupid that was.”

There have been other examples like the Friday the 13th franchise and the Nightmare on Elm Street Franchise, but even they don’t come close to the ridiculousness of the Highlander series.

Anyway, I digress. My point is this, and I hope someone in Hollywood is listening, rather than spending years trying to come up with some bizarre explanation for why “The End” never actually means “The End”, why not invest that time and energy in creating new concepts? I realize it may be hard to think up new stories, but it can’t be any harder than trying to figure out ways to get out of the box you created.

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Stuff I Don’t Get

CelebritiesI don’t understand the world of fashion. This photo spread from Italian Vogue makes no sense to me. What do cops manhandling models have to do with fashion? Is riot gear and underwear the new fashion paradigm? If so, I need to go shopping because I’m dangerously low on one of the two… I’ll let you guess which…

Why would you kill a stingray in retaliation for the death of Steve Irwin? This has The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (yep, I’m the guy that saw it) written all over it.

Steve Zissou: I’m going to find it and I’m going to destroy it. Possibly with dynamite.
Festival Director: That’s an endangered species at best. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?
Steve Zissou: Revenge… Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I’m going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome…

Somehow I suspect the concept of a revenge killing is lost on stingrays. Chances are they don’t even know the ray that whacked Irwin, but even if they did, if you start killing their friends indiscriminately, then the bad guys have won.

Finally, what is the world coming to when Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and their Asian baby attending a football game qualifies as news?

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Contact ABC About The Path To 9-11

Sep 08 2006 Published by under Democrats, Movies, Politics, Television

I received a message from the Democrats asking me to contact ABC about the docu-drama they’re planning to run on Sunday night. The Path to 9-11 is set to air at 8 pm and has a bunch of Democrats steamed The Democrats argue that George Bush was responsible for 9-11 because he spent eight months not chasing bin Laden after Clinton spent eight years not chasing bin Laden.

I don’t agree, but I helped them meet their letter quota and sent one. Here’s what it said:

Mr. Iger,

I am appalled by recent attempts by Democrats to force you to censor your creative works. This same group opposed any such attempt to censor the Reagan docu-drama that was aired by CBS, but now promotes a double standard when it is their idol on the receiving end.

Just as CBS/Viacom chose to air the unedited version of their movie (albeit on Showtime) I think you should stick to your guns and show “The Path to 9/11″ as planned.

To claim this film is a conservative attempt to blame Democrats for September 11 is irresponsible political hackery. I hope you will display intestinal fortitude and air the program without edits, disclaimers or other attempts to cave to the political hypocrisy the Democrats are pushing.

Sincerely,

If you would like to send your own letter. Here’s their form…

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Tommy, Tommy, Tommy

Aug 23 2006 Published by under Celebrities, Movie Marketing, Movies

CelebritiesMoviesIt’s so sad to see a celebrity falling, but so much fun to watch. Now that Tom Cruise has been booted from Paramount, he can go one of two ways. Either he’ll make really good pictures with his rogue production company, or he’ll continue to lose his mind and turn off audiences.

For us, this is a win-win. We either get to watch some really good film, or we get to watch another one of Hollywood’s elite fall to pieces. Yay, us!

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