Archive for: October, 2009

Other #SwineFluSymptoms To Watch Out For

Oct 23 2009 Published by Turk under Disease, Humor, Pop Culture, Society

I’ve had some version of what my dad used to call “The Dread Mahocus” for several days know. Given the mass hysteria over H1N1 Swine Flu, I figured I’d take a look at the symptoms just to see what they are. Here’s what the CDC says:

You may have the flu if you have some or all of these symptoms:

  • fever *
  • cough
  • sore throat
  • runny or stuffy nose
  • body aches
  • headache
  • chills
  • fatigue
  • sometimes diarrhea and vomiting

*It’s important to note that not everyone with flu will have a fever.

Very helpful. If you sometimes get fever, but not always, and you sometimes get diarrhea and vomiting, but not always, that leaves:

  • cough
  • sore throat
  • runny or stuffy nose
  • body aches
  • headache
  • chills
  • fatigue

In other words, the Swine Flu could look just like any other non-specific illness. That’s not terribly helpful at all. Maybe the CDC should provide more of a narrative description:

On Day One, you will notice giant red spots on your forehead. Those will grow into huge sweaty red welts. The coughing will be uncontrollable, and you’ll wish you were dead. Then the real fun will start….

At least then I’d know what to look out for. Instead, I have non-specific symptoms and no real way of knowing whether I have the Swine Flu without a tedious trip to the doctor.

So I did a little digging and found some more useful information. I dug through blog post after blog post and compiled these actual, specific symptoms from first hand accounts. If you have any of these, seek medical attention immediately

Swine Flu Symptoms

  • An urge to watch Babe and Charlotte’s Web over and over again.
  • An overwhelming sense of cannibalism from eating bacon.
  • Smelling like Des Moines, IA.
  • Random snort and oinking sounds (separate and distinct from your normal Tourette’s).
  • Developing a random stutter.
  • Falling in love with frogs (or general inter-species romance).
  • A tendency toward Stalinism.

So there you have it. An actual, helpful list of warning signs. Now you can consider yourself prepared.

P.S. (For those who missed them, the stutter joke is a reference to Porky Pig and the Stalinism crack is a reference to Animal Farm.)

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Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

Oct 21 2009 Published by Turk under Humor, Society, Zombie Apocalypse

Last Friday, I had the opportunity to attend an event at the Las Vegas library featuring Max Brooks, author of World War Z and The Zombie Survival Guide. He spoke for about an hour on tips and tactics for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. Fortunately, since I have a fair number of friends who are also zombie aficionados, I was able to record the event. So without further adieu.

Apologies to friends on Facebook and Twitter who have already seen a link to this. If you are reading this on Facebook, and can’t see/play the video, you can visit http://www.kungfuquip.com/surviving-the-zombie-apocalypse.

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Dumbest “Ditch Cable” Post Of All Time

Oct 17 2009 Published by Turk under Craziness, Technology

Because of the day job, I am constantly reading blog posts and mainstream media articles focused on one thing – telling you how easy it is to ditch cable, and still get all the content you’re currently watching FOR FREE!

The answer is always incredibly simple. For instance, you can just get Netflix, and watch all those episodes of Entourage on DVD – six months or so after they air. You can go to Hulu and watch programs – except for the fact that the overwhelming majority of cable programs are either a) not on Hulu or b) on Hulu months after they air.

Now there is a point to be made here about why they call it pop “culture” and how there is a societal value to watching shows near the air date so you can engage in the social aspects of entertainment. But I’ll leave that point alone.

The really annoying part of these posts is the authors will invariably talk about the ease of getting cable content, then cite as their examples shows which are not cable programs.

The latest of these is TechCrunch. Now, I’m a geek, so I read TechCrunch a lot. Some of their content I’ll quibble with, but most of it is pretty good. This little item, though, is truly stupid.

John Biggs posits that he has come up with a great process for ditching cable:

I’ve been angling to get rid of my TiVo and cable for some time now and I believe I’ve finally figured out a solution that works best for me. It involves a lots scripting, Sabnzbd, and HandbrakeCLI and I’ll tell you what I ultimately did next week once it’s stable but it seems to be working as well as can be expected for these sorts of hacks.

Sure, John, that’s super easy as long as you’re familiar with Usenet, binary newsreaders, and video transcoders. Super easy!

He goes on to explain that the content he’s pulling in is completely illegal:

It consists of two disparate parts. The first is a shady underground that can offer these shows, stripped of commercials, a few minutes after they’ve aired. How they do it is a topic for another story, but needless to say popular shows are available in less than ten minutes after they air on the Eastern Seaboard. It is a testament to the dedication of a few TV lovers that these shows are available, for free, as they happen.

It’s important to understand that unlike mp3s, television content is not easily ripped and not easily portable. Yes, the shady underground may currently be doing this, but the content owners are chasing it down.

But let’s assume all of this is easy, and the illegality won’t make you squirm, and let’s look at the shows John’s actually talking about here.

What I don’t see in that list is actual, cable content. There is a bunch of stuff from the UK, and a whole lot of broadcast content, but where is the cable content? If it’s that easy to ditch cable (and cable companies should be “skeered”) and given there are literally hundreds of cable channels, and only a few broadcast channels, why is a list of available illegal content skewed so heavily to broadcast.

So from the read of this, John Bigg’s has gone out of his way to come up with a way to steal broadcast content through an incredibly complex process that involves “a shady underground”.

So here’s my suggestion for John. If you want to watch TV as it airs (rather than “immediately after”) then go buy yourself an antenna. They’re lovely inventions that let you watch all the broadcast TV you want, and don’t involve scripting, HandBrake, or SABnzbd. If you want an option to timeshift that programming, invest in a Win-TV-HVR-950Q from Hauppage. It has a built in DVR, and picks up NTSC, ATSC, and clear QAM programming (broadcast, in other words). It’s plug and play, so again, no scripting.

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I Want To Write For TV Guide

Oct 08 2009 Published by Turk under Movies, Pop Culture, Self-Promotion

So I’m cruising through the program guide on Comcast yesterday and I stumble upon Prince of Darkness. It was one of my favorite pseudo-horror movies when I was a kid, so I was psyched. I clicked the info option to make sure it was the same flick and this was the description:

A priest (Donald Pleasence) summons a professor (Victor Wong) to an old church to see a canister of liquid Satan.

If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll recognize that the description is technically accurate, but fails to capture the real essence of the film. A better description might have been:

Trapped in an old church, a priest (Donald Pleasance) and a professor (Jameson Parker) try to prevent Satan’s return to Earth.

Not much longer, and yet it sells the story better. But I don’t get the sense that the TV Guide writers are trying to be accurate or sell the movie. They’re just cranking out copy.

Anyway, this got me thinking about TV Guide and whether it may actually be challenging to sum up a movie that badly in one short sentence. So I figured I’d give it a try. Consider this my audition to write for TV guide. (Feel free to leave a comment with your own movie summaries.)

  • The Bourne Identity – A man with memory trouble (Matt Damon) kills people.
  • Top Gun – A pilot with daddy issues (Tom Cruise) flies Naval aircraft recklessly.
  • Jaws – Three men (Richard Dreyfuss, Robert Shaw, Roy Scheider) who need a bigger boat go fishing.
  • Titanic – Two young lovers (Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet) experience extreme moisture.
  • American Beauty – A man (Kevin Spacey) and his wife (Annette Bening) have marital problems.
  • Jurassic Park – A team of scientists led by Sam Neill visit an amusement park accompanied by a lawyer.
  • The Day After Tomorrow - The adventures of a climatologist (Dennis Quaid) studying weather.
  • Rocky – A boxer (Sylvester Stallone) who may be mentally disadvantaged and has an aging coach (Burgess Meredith) tries dating.
  • Forrest Gump – A mentally challenged man (Tom Hanks) waits for a bus and tells stories.
  • The Silence of the Lambs – FBI agent Clarice Starling (Jody Foster) deals with a difficult inmate (Anthony Hopkins).

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