Archive for: September, 2009

The Facebook Questionnaire I’d Like To See

Sep 21 2009 Published by under Diversions, Society, Technology, The Internet

After the lastest round of the “25 things” style questionnaire (in this case called, Don’t You Dare Lie), I decided to create the Facebook questionnaire I’d like to see. You see, I really don’t care what the last thing you ate was, and frankly I have zero interest in knowing what song is stuck in your head. The song that my 4 year old has permanently wedged in my brain is bad enough. I also have a problem with the fact that many of these questions don’t also include the obvious follow up.

So without further ado, I’ll throw out the 26 questions I’d really like to ask, but would be unlikely to actually answer myself.

  1. Have you ever been arrested?
  2. Were you guilty or innocent and what were the charges?
  3. Will you ever drink that much again?
  4. How much do you hate your job?
  5. How many times per day do you pray for an earthquake just to break up the boredom?
  6. How many times per day to you hope for the sweet release that only death will bring?
  7. Where did you lose your virginity?
  8. How much did it suck?
  9. If you could go back in time and give that person pointers, would you?
  10. If you could go back in time and not be such a whore (or manwhore), would you?
  11. Speaking of sex, how many kids do you have?
  12. How many did you have on purpose?
  13. How many times have you wished you had that vasectomy you joked about in college?
  14. If you could have any celebrity killed, which would it be?
  15. Would you make it painful or quick and easy?
  16. Would anyone miss Lindsay Lohan?
  17. Have you ever done drugs?
  18. Are you still in contact with the person who sold/gave them to you?
  19. Can I have their number?
  20. Do you like Internet porn?
  21. Ya, me either. How many times per day do you look at some just to make sure you still don’t?
  22. Really? That’s a lot! You’re very thorough in your “research” aren’t you?
  23. How many drinks does it take before you make really bad decisions?
  24. Want to go out tonight for drinks?
  25. How much time have you spent answering Facebook questionnaires/quizzes in a desperate attempt to regain some semblance of a connection with another human being?
  26. How’s that working out for you?

Answer these questions then send this to or tag 20 of your closest friends then prepare for them to be terrified by your answers. Be sure to tag me so I’ll be able to keep track of the implosion of your career for my own twisted pleasure.

No responses yet

Bashing Bush, Matt Latimer, and Peggy Noonan

Sep 17 2009 Published by under Books, Operatives, Politics, Self-Promotion

So another “Bush bashing” book is out (at least in excerpt) and the Bushie loyalists are again charging the airwaves and the Internet to defend GWB. Just as we saw with Scott McClellan, they’ll define Latimer as a doofus, out of the loop, in over his head, not as important as he thinks. (Which, of course, begs the question why the Administration excelled at hiring the incompetent and the self-important. Didn’t they have a screening process?)

I have read the excerpts of Latimer’s book and frankly don’t find all that much wrong with it. I’ll likely buy the book and consume it all simply because I liked the way the excerpts were written. His publisher is right. He has an engaging style. Was he in the room or across the street at the EEOB? Who cares. He was clearly closer to the President than 99.9% of Americans will ever get in their life, so let him have his say. We might find it interesting.

The treatment Latimer has received in the last 36 hours, however, has left me perplexed. It reminded me a lot of McClellan’s welcoming reception and that reminded me of something Peggy Noonan wrote.

William Safire, himself a memoirist of the Nixon years, said to me, a future memoirist of the Reagan years: “The one thing history needs more of is first-person testimony.” History needs data, detail, portraits, information; it needs eyewitness. “I was there, this is what I saw.” History will sift through, consider and try in its own way to produce something approximating truth.In that sense one should always say of memoirs of those who hold or have held power: More, please.

Noonan, and by extension Safire, were spot on. I think that every White House staffer should not be discouraged, but rather should be required to write a book, and tell the story of their time there. Our history demands that those making it (whether the President or his secretary) should provide us with as much detail as possible. When these books are written we should not denounce the writer, we should simply ask for the next installment from the guy who sat next to Latimer so we could see how he remembered the events.

One of the most interesting conversations I have ever had was with the woman who sat next to Monica Lewinsky in the White House. She once gave me her take on the woman behind the blue dress and it meant more to me than any ABC News special report.

Do I buy the caricature of Latimer as an opportunist trying to parlay his brush with fame into a financial windfall? Absolutely. Do I also believe that much of what he says is probably exactly as he remembers it? Absolutely.

That’s why we need more of these books, not less. We need to be able to compare notes and make our own determination about what happened, who these people were, where they made mistakes and where they proved they were only human.

Now, the latest to weigh in against Latimer in protecting the Bush years is James Carville.

This little dweeb needs to be glove slapped… People that have the honor of working in the White House ought not be going out and publishing this…

I couldn’t disagree with Carville more.

The people that need to be glove slapped are Carville and his ilk for attempting to silence future tomes. If Dana Perino, Tony Fratto, or Ed Gillespie recall events differently, let them write a book and give us their take. By the time all the ink dries, we might have a semi-complete picture of life inside the GWB administration.

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Fast vs. Slow Zombies

Sep 16 2009 Published by under Books, Gaming, Movies, Pop Culture, Zombie Apocalypse

While I was at PAX, one of my fellow panelists turned me on to Max Brooks’ book World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War. It’s an excellent read if you’re into either the zombie genre or just really dark humor. After reading it, I have been recommending the book to anyone who will listen. It’s simply outstanding.

As with most topics I write about here, the subject of zombies has prompted some interesting discussions with friends and colleagues. In the case of World War Z, my only complaint about the book is its reliance on the slow moving, arms raised, schleppy zombie made famous by George Romero films. I, as a matter of preference, would much rather have seen the speedy, violent zombies of 28 Weeks Later / 28 Days Later or the Xbox 360 game Left 4 Dead.

I firmly believe that when the zombie apocalypse (ZA) finally comes, it will look more like the rage virus. Honestly, it would have to. The fact is a slow zombie is simply not that hard to defeat. They’re kind of like cows. You could hunt them with a dent mallet. Granted, if you were set upon by a pack, it may be harder to fight off. However, the spread of the contagion would either have to be immediate or a single mass event would have to hit most of the population at once.

In World War Z, the contagion is slow to spread. Brooks gives the impression that a year or two passes between the first outbreak and the pandemic. That’s simply too slow for a zombie virus to move unless the zombies themselves are so fast, and so hard to kill, that they can rapidly turn new zombies. Compare Brooks’ approach to that of 28 Days/Weeks Later or even the disaster of a film called Quarantine. (If you haven’t seen Quarantine, think of it as the Blair Witch Project of zombie movies – shaky handicam story telling that rapidly becomes painful to sit through.) The contagion in those movies spreads rapidly enough, and the zombies become fast and violent enough to quickly become a problem.

What has been interesting to me is the almost universal agreement on the topic of fast versus slow zombies. Just about everybody I have raised the issue with agrees that fast zombies are much scarier, much harder to kill, and much more likely when the ZA is upon us. I have to wonder, then, why franchises like Resident Evil or the remakes/knock-offs of Romero films generally portray the zombies as stupid and slow.

It seems to me that the future of zombie films has to lie with fast, violent zombies. Purists may disagree, but the only movies I can see remaining true to the schleppy zombies would be flicks like Shaun of the Dead that actually mock the speed.

One response so far

How Would The Cast of Friends Vote?

Sep 16 2009 Published by under Political Parties, Politics, Pop Culture, Television

A couple of weeks ago, I posed the question “How Would Gilligan’s Island Vote?”. The discussion it generated here, on Facebook, and via my inbox was kind of interesting. The outcome was:

  • Skipper – 83% GOP
  • Gilligan – 69% Dem
  • Mary Ann – 61% GOP
  • Ginger – 83% Dem
  • Professor (the only “near tie”) – 47% Dem 41% Libertarian
  • Mr. & Mrs. Howell – both at 72% GOP

The outcome made me wonder what the result would be if I looked at other classic TV series. As I discussed the idea with some friends, one that drew a lot of discussion was “Friends”. It seems there is a lot of disagreement about how Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey and Monica would cast their ballots.

Now here’s your chance to tell me what you think.


How Would “Friends” Vote?
Ross Geller


Monica Geller


Chandler Bing


Rachel Green


Phoebe Buffay


Joey Tribbiani





View Results

You’ll notice I added “Green” as an option for Phoebe as a number of people indicated their thought that she’d lean that way.

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Penny Arcade Expo, Gilligan & More

Sep 04 2009 Published by under Gaming, Miscellany, Politics, Pop Culture, Technology

I’m off to Seattle this afternoon for the Penny Arcade Expo. PAX is a conference for gamers and game designers. I’ve never attended anything like this before (despite my love of all things geek, and gaming in particular).

On Sunday I’ll be speaking on a panel about gaming and advocacy. The purpose of the panel is two-fold.

First, we are looking to teach gamers how to advocate for or against policy issues that impact them. It seems not a week goes by that I don’t see an article about some misguided state legislator who has determined that video games are the root of all evil. They typically then go on to craft legislation that seriously impedes the rights of gamers. We hope gamers will begin to take these issues seriously and organize to become a significant political force.

The second purpose for the panel is to talk a bit about how political groups and causes are using games to convey policy messages. Following the Obama team’s use of paid advertising in an online racing game, the use of such tactics is getting pretty advanced. I, for one, am looking forward to hearing from my fellow panelists as well as the audience on that topic.

If I pick up nuggets of wisdom from the panel, I’ll be sure to pass them along via my blog as well as my Twitter feed. Follow me @MichaelTurk (if you aren’t already.)

Finally, it looks like 11 of my 20 readers have voted in the “How Would Gilligan’s Island Vote?” poll. If you haven’t, I hope you’ll weigh in. I’ll be posting the reply’s over the weekend.

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