Archive for: August, 2008

Victory In My Campaign Against The USDA Graduate School

Aug 21 2008 Published by under Congress, Craziness, Government, Legislation, Self-Promotion, Taxes, Waste

Since political hacks are inclined to take credit for the sun coming up every day, I will be the first to declare victory in my ongoing campaign against the USDA Graduate School. An alert reader (holy crap! I have readers?) points me to this little passage in HR 6124 which became law in June.

`(B) TERMINATION OF AUTHORITY- The authority under paragraph (1) shall terminate on the earlier of–

`(i) the completion of the transition of the Graduate School to an entity that is non-governmental and not a nonappropriated fund instrumentality of the United States, as determined by the Secretary; or

`(A) IN GENERAL- The Secretary of Agriculture is authorized to use funds available to the Department of Agriculture and such resources of the Department as the Secretary considers appropriate (including the assignment of such employees of the Department as the Secretary considers appropriate) to assist the General Administrative Board of the Graduate School in the conversion of the Graduate School to an entity that is non-governmental and not a nonappropriated fund instrumentality of the United States, including such privatization activities not otherwise inconsistent with law or regulation.

`(1) CEASE OPERATIONS- Not later than October 1, 2009, the Secretary of Agriculture shall cease to maintain or operate a nonappropriated fund instrumentality of the United States to develop, administer, or provide educational training and professional development activities, including educational activities for Federal agencies, Federal employees, non-profit organizations, other entities, and members of the general public.

`(2) TRANSITION-

`(ii) September 30, 2009.’.

That’s right! The ridiculous waste of taxpayer time that is the USDA Graduate School must become a private entity or close its doors by October of next year.

Having flaunted its tax status to engage in direct competition with schools that don’t get such breaks, while still claiming to be “non-governmental” the USDA boxed itself into a corner. Apparently someone in government realized the ridiculous contradiction in calling it an NAFI while allowing it to use its government connection to skirt laws. So language was inserted to pull the plug on this $60 million boondoggle.

All I can say is it’s about time. Thank you to whatever House staffer followed my gripes about this and finally had the stones to kill it. Now the next question is, what bloated piece of bureaucratic crap do I set my sights on next?

P.S. I don’t actually believe I had anything to do with getting this killed, but I’ll be the first to pop the cork on a champagne bottle next October 1.

Update: My dear friend Anne was the first person to point out the absurd government abuse that is the USDA Graduate School. Any part I played in in getting it closed (which was none, but ignore that) starts with her.

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8*

Aug 17 2008 Published by under Sports, The Olympics

Watching Michael Phelps win his eighth gold medal at the Olympics, and especially watching Mark Spitz congratulate him for win number 7, something started bouncing around in my head. Something just didn’t feel right, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I finally realized what was off when I saw yet another Michael Phelps ad during the Olympic coverage.

When Mark Spitz set his record for seven Olympic golds in 1972, the Olympics were – at least as far as the United States was concerned – an amateur athletic competition. The rules at that time specifically prohibited paid athletes from competing. Being paid to appear in ads for wireless phone and credit card companies would have automatically disqualified athletes from competing in the games. It was simply unheard of.

In addition, Spitz was, as some commentators noticed, swimming in off the shelf swim trunks without a cap and with a big cheesy mustache. There were no highly regimented, chemist created nutritional programs, aerodynamically designed suits, and shaved armpits. There were just amateur swimmers who often had menial jobs to do in the midst of training.

The rest of the world began to crank out athletes in Olympic farms much the same way the Chinese now do with their gymnasts – taking small children into the program and engineering athletes from scratch. When the US finally allowed professional athletes to compete, it forever changed the Olympics for me.

I watch professional athletes like LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Keri Walsh, Misty May. Phelps, despite the lack of a professional swimming league, falls into that same category for me because of the commercial endorsement deals that allow him to train as a full time job.

I watch them and I really miss the old Olympics. I miss the days when the athletes were people you had never heard of who lived in near poverty to train for the games because they simply loved to compete.

While Phelps’ feat is no doubt impressive, and his record likely to stand for another four decades, I feel it should be recorded with an asterisk the way home run records are. The fact is Mark Spitz record in 1972 is a record from another era. It represents a completely different approach to the Olympics and, to me, a completely different level of achievement.

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Coming To Terms With The Great Lie

Aug 15 2008 Published by under Miscellany

Little Quip has reached that age where everything is fascinating. He is intrigued by damn near anything. That often results in him telling me, as he did last night, “I want to be an Olympic jumper”. (He calls the gymnasts jumpers and was particularly enthralled by the pommel horse.)

As a parent I find myself telling him that “you can do whatever you want to do and be whatever you want to be.” But last night those words rang hollow. For the first time I came face-to-face with the fact that I was perpetuating the great lie.

You see, Little Quip’s dad is 6’3″. Mom is 5’8″. The shortest male in my family is 6′. The shortest person in my wife’s family is my wife. At three years old, he is already taller than several of the Olympic gymnasts. (ok, I’m kidding, but it’s probably close).

Looking him in the eye, I didn’t have the heart to tell him he’s going to be about 12-18 inches too tall for Olympic gymnastic competition. So I spread the lie, again.

“When you grow up, kiddo, you can be anything you want.”

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John Carpenter’s The Thing Performed by GI Joe Action Figures

Aug 14 2008 Published by under Animation & Short Films, Miscellany, Movies, Music, Pop Culture

Jeff Simmermon, a blogger at And I Am Not Lying, and a fellow cable industry shill, links to what may now be my favorite stop action animation piece of all time. It’s a music video for Zombie Zombie’s Driving This Road Until Death Sets You Free. The video, features footage of the band performing interspersed with the action figure remake of The Thing. Check it out.

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

To answer the unasked question, my previous favorite stop action animation was Juke-Bar. You can view it at the National Film Board of Canada’s website.

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For Those Who Get Called, A Primer on Jury Duty

Aug 13 2008 Published by under Miscellany

Having spent my day in the Fairfax County Court Potential Juror Holding Cell, I thought I’d put together a quick post on the ins and outs of jury duty should you ever get called up. I served on a jury in Alexandria a few years ago, but the trial for which I was selected was cancelled. Weather had prevented the detective from making a flight out of Florida, so we were released.

Today was slightly less exciting. So let me offer some tips…

1) Be prepared to be bored. The vast majority of the people that were there never got picked for a jury, so you’ll spend a lot of time sitting around.

2) Check to see if the court where you will sere has wi-fi. Had I known they did, I would have taken my laptop and been working all morning rather than annoying my Twitter friends. (Ok, I would have done that, too, but you get my point.

3) If they don’t have wi-fi, bring your iPod. Like I said, you’re more than likely to not see an actual jury box, so you’ll need entertainment.

Honestly, that’s about the best advice I can give you. The number of potential jurors compared to the number of actual jurors is fairly great. You’re less likely to end up a juror than you are to come down with malaria. Rather than preparing for the jury, prepare for the sitting.

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