Archive for: September, 2007

New Coke

Sep 19 2007 Published by under Miscellany

Ok… I just couldn’t take it anymore… No matter how many times I looked at it, and no matter how many times I tried to force myself to like it, I just couldn’t get used to the new look and feel. It just wasn’t what I wanted.

So we’re back to “Classic Quip”. At least for the time being. I may try to reconfigure it again at some point in the future, but for now, it feels like being home, tucked safe and warm into my bed.

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All Our Eggs in One Basket

Sep 19 2007 Published by under Barack Obama, Candidates, Democrats, Elections, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Politics, Republicans

As things look bleaker and bleaker for the GOP’s hopes next year, it’s becoming clear that our chances of holding the line in the Senate (which was already going to be difficult) and the possibility of picking up seats in Congress are both almost completely out the window. The math just isn’t there for us. We need to hold twice as many seats in the Senate as the Dems do. That’s bad. We also have a handful of incumbents bailing out, that’s worse. Throw in the marginal seats where we were already looking at a tough fight and we’re in deep trouble on the North side of Capitol Hill.

The House, sadly, isn’t looking much better. Sadly, the only thing I feel good about there is the comments Jack Murtha has been making lately. When Democrats start making claims that they’ll gain another 40-50 seats, I start to feel better. Their ability to forecast elections, and their tendency to over-promise and under-deliver is legendary.

That said, I do think the possibility exists that the Democrats could pick up another dozen. Frankly, I think it all depends on who gets the party nods for POTUS. We’re not in a mid-year, we’re in a Presidential cycle. That changes the dynamics of the election completely. There will be a lot of people who are turning out to vote for or against the nominees. Unlike ’06, this will not be an election about Bush, regardless of how hard the Democrats will try to make the GOP nominee into his stand-in. It will be about Hillary/Obama versus the GOP candidate.

If we’re facing Hillary, the number of GOP voters who will turn out for no reason other than to keep her out of the White House will greatly aid our chances at holding our own in Congress. If the Democrats pick Obama (or even Edwards, for that matter), the enthusiasm of the GOP voters will be greatly diminished. Only if we have an exciting candidate of our own can we get it back.

That’s the reason I got behind Fred. Mitt, Rudy and McCain just don’t rev the engine. It’s like going to McDonald’s and having three choices of shake flavors – but all of them are vanilla. Fred has the star power to make the race interesting, the others simply don’t.

I know, I know. Rudy keeps telling us he’s the only guy that can beat Hillary. It’s in every e-mail he sends out and it sounds more and more pathetic every time. Don’t buy it.

You need 50% plus one to win, and 40% of the electorate is Republican. If Rudy is hovering in the 25% range in polls of GOP primary voters, that means he’s got the backing of 10% of the electorate. If 30% of the electorate is having doubts before the first vote is cast, and 40% of the electorate are Democrats, you’re going to have a hard time getting from 10% to 50%. It’s just simple math, no matter how hard they try to bloviate.

The fact is all of our eggs are in the Presidential basket. If we get the right candidate, we can win. If we don’t, we’re in for a beating of epic proportions.

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O.J and Oh, Britney. The Week In Celebrity Shame

Sep 17 2007 Published by under Cable, Celebrities, Craziness, Crime, Miscellany, Music, Pop Culture, Pop Music, Programming, Rap/Hip-Hop Music, Self-Promotion, Sex, Society, Stuff That Sucks, Television

It’s been a bad week to be sick. With so much celebrity embarrassment on parade, not having the energy to trash them is really troubling.

Let’s set the wayback machine for the VMAs last week. This show had it all – award winners trashing the network that hosts the awards, has-been rockers duking it out over whored out former TV stars, single moms trying to whore themselves out (but nobody was buying), and militant rappers getting peeved that the awards weren’t rigged for them to win. Your entertainment dollar was simply not going to go farther than the 2007 VMAs

Britney was supposed to warm up the audience, but left everyone feeling cold. Blame it on the hair, the lip-synching, the magic act that wasn’t, the drinking, the allergic reaction to eye drops (what?), or any of another 100 oft-repeated excuses for the train wreck we witnessed, the sad reality is we want to see a nubile 20 year-old in skin tight leather dancing like a tramp or tongue kissing Madonna (actually, skip that last part). The fact is, Brit is now a single mom who, with every public appearance, reminds us of the line from Sweet Home Alabama.

Look at you! You have a baby! In a bar!

Here’s some advice Brit. Put on some clothes, write/sing a grown-up song, and stop trying to convince us that you’re the hot little vixen of Baby One More Time. That ship has sailed. You were used up by a douchebag, and the only guy that still wants you is this loser.

Next up… Kid Rock and Tommy Lee. Even with Britney and Kanye melting down at the VMAs, this is probably the most pathetic story of the night. These two guys get into a brawl over a woman who, by her own admission, paid off a poker debt with sex. Yup. That girl is a class act that is worth fighting for. Go get her, guys.

Speaking of Kanye, I don’t think I could sum this one up any better than Joel McHale (host of The Soup). After recapping Kanye’s choice words about his perceived snub at the hands of MTV, McHale said, “Geez. 50 Cent didn’t whine that much when he got shot.” True dat!

In our last glimpse backward at the VMAs, perhaps the one shining moment in the telecast came when Justin Timberlake (surrounded by the vapid cast of The Hills) excoriated MTV for filling its programming with non-stop reality TV and begged them to actually play music occasionally. It seems Timberlake may be one of the few people who owes his soul to MTV, and at the same time feels bad because he’s old enough to remember that MTV used to stand for Music Television.

Finally, back in the present, let’s dip into the overflowing cup of comedy gold that is O.J. Simpson. The same week that his book (If I Did It) comes out, and the world may read his claim that he’s not a criminal (at least not a murderous one), he gets arrested for storming into a sports memorabilia show with armed accomplices and trying to steal pieces of his life. It’s not clear whether he actually owns any of what he tried to steal. And it’s not clear if he was armed, but a tape of the incident clearly demonstrates his anger and rage as he barks out instructions that no one is to be allowed to leave.

Wow, O.J., armed robbery and taking hostages. That’s a hell of a good way to prove you’re not a killer. Maybe next time you could sacrifice a small puppy on national TV and tell people your killing is limited only to the animal kingdom. By the way, aren’t you supposed to be out there trying to catch the real killer?

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In Which Our Hero Yacks Up A Lung…

Sep 17 2007 Published by under Disease, Miscellany

I have spent most of the last two weeks in a steady state of coughing, hacking, wheezing, sneezing, and sniffling with a runny nose, watery eyes, sore throat, fever, chills, and general infirmity. I’d get better for a day or two, and then WHAMMO! I’m back underneath it.

Two things became crystal clear to me as a result. First, I have spent more time sick since the birth of my two year old than I had in almost my entire life up to that point. Second, I honestly believe that my son is a magnet for the only the most debilitating diseases. He doesn’t bring home the normal, every day run of the mill cold bug. There’s no 24 hours of sneezing and that’s it. He brings home the granddaddy germs. He tracks in the worst of the viral strains. He must carefully identify and capture only the nastiest of bacteria to pass on. When he brings the evil, he really means it.

At any rate, I’m back among the living. I am heavily medicated on antibiotics and Codeine laced cough syrups.

I’ll jot some thoughts later on some of the goodies I’ve missed while out of it. I can’t possibly let Britney’s VMA performance go without a comment and I’ve been laughing my ass off all morning at the sorry state of one O.J. Simpson. But I’ll get to that. In the meantime, the Robitussin’s on me.

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